Thursday, December 20, 2007

Happy Holidays to all my single, childless, living-too-far-away-from-family-for a visit folks!

After having a conversation with one of my Aunts last night, sobering reality decided to stop tapping me on my shoulder for attention. Instead, it sucker-punched me and knocked me on my behind. Another holiday season and I have no one special (in the amorous/romantic way) to spend it with. It gets particularly rough for me this time of year because I sincerely want to be in a relationship, but as many of you don't know (or you might), gay men can sometimes become weird creatures when approached about the subject of commitment.

I have been single for 7 years now and I'm starting to feel it. I have been on several dates with several different men and none have had that "spark". I am either more interested in them than they are in me or vice versa. Not willing to compromise my principles, I have resolved that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. That prospect didn't seem so real until last night. My Aunt is in her 50's and has never been married. She is well-educated, well-off (although she started a second career to avoid boredom), and retired at a very young age. She has a sharp mind, is attractive, and is comfortable in her skin but she's single. As we talked at length last night, she reminded me that her rearing compels her to want to be married or at least in a LTR. Mine, too. I want to share my life with someone who complements who I am.

I don't have a litany of requirements, no idealized type, and no deal-breakers (except for marriage or someone who is already in a relationship). So why am I single? Wish I knew the answers. Part of the reason I think, is my inability to become vulnerable to people early on so they can get to the real me. I mean, let me be clear, I don't hide my personality behind a facade, but I also keep my innermost feelings guarded. Emotional hurt is very real and quite painful. The other reason is that I haven't met a man that I have very much in common with.

The one person who I do have so much in common with and we complement each other so well is one of my very best friends... a heterosexual woman! We even jokingly call each other husband and wife and our mutual friends agree. In fact, at my family reunion last month, some of my cousins (who apparently don't know that I'm homosexual) asked me when were we going to get married. I laughed, she laughed, but my cousins didn't get it. So I love her with the same love I would have for a man, but she and I could never be intimate (which is one of the ways love is expressed) because I am simply not stimulated by women.

It's also interesting to note that I have a number of friends who are in the same category as I am and while they are single, they aren't lonely. They at least appear to be happy with who they are at this point in their life and I admire them for it.

So, to all of my fellow single folks out there gay, straight, or other, I wish you wonderful holiday greetings and I hope 2008 brings you all that you want, including that special someone to love. In the meantime, continue loving yourself and if you're in the DC area, I'll be preparing a feast for people like us to have someone to spend Xmas with. You may email for an invite if you'd like to come.


Randi523 said...

Awww...[hug]. Merry Christmas to you too! I'm single also, and I'm not going home either for Christmas, so I know how you feel :-)

BLKSeaGoat said...

Then come on by if you may be in the area! Not to toot my own horn, but I am a culinary GENIUS and I know about wine too...practically as much as a sommelier!

SheCodes said...

**HUGS**, blkSeagoat! I'm single and childless, too. I just kicked my new bf to the curb -- I found out some dealbreaking lies. I'm not even sad or angry about it... being single really doesn't bother me at all, and hasn't for a long time.

However, it's beginning to worry me that it doesn't bother me. (Chalk it up to being overly analytical and having too much time on my hands)

Here is to all of us 'relationship challenged' people finding people who are worthy of pairing ourselves with -- and also to us becoming the best choice for them as well.

In the meantime, I've invited a few college students to my family's place for Christmas dinner. I just hope that my loud, boisterous, hyper-spiritual, opinionated, constantly-singing-church songs family doesn't emotionally scar them for life.

My heart and prayers go out to all who do not have a family or a home during this special season.

Mes Deux Cents said...


I'm single and my family is 3000 or more miles away. So I too will be spending another holiday sans family.

This fact usually hits me a few days before the holiday. Just prior to Thanksgiving I had a panic attack. It was only after some deep thought that I realized the panic attack was out of my fear of spending another holiday alone.

So you are not the only one going through it on the holidays.

I know why I'm single. I'm very, very, very picky. I've always been this way. It's just that as we get older our social interactions become more narrow, usually.

So since the pool of people we meet is smaller, it becomes more difficult to find someone.

I hope that you will come across someone to love. I hope the same for me, and Randi and SheCodes!


clnmike said...

Happy Holidays!!

g-e-m2001 said...

Happy New Year!